Fear and memories

I think everyone is afraid of something, and some have bigger fears than others. For me I have a fear of flying in an airplane. I have never flown before, but I am deathly afraid of doing it. I don’t honestly know where the fear comes from, maybe my fear of heights started it. I just know that I do not want to every get in a plan. Now that does put limits on vacations, but my wonderful husband drives to wherever we go. Last year we went to the Mall of America and he drove us there. The drive or ride I should say didn’t seem that long to me. I like to look at things and to enjoy the scenery around me. I know that my husband would much rather fly, but he doesn’t push me. I’m very lucky that he tries to understand even though he doesn’t really get it. I sometimes tell myself to get over it but then I realize it is my fear and no one can make me feel bad about it. I do get teased about it quite a bit, but I have learned to just let it roll off of me and not worry about what others think. That can sometimes be a challenge but I just try ignoring it or laugh it off. I remember growing up and my grandpa told me for my 16^th birthday he would take me to the Mall of America if I would get on a plan. The fear was there then because I didn’t go. So last year when I went it brought those memories back and that was great. I think holding memories helps when you lose someone you love and keeps them close to you in a sense.

            Some memories are good and some can be not so good. They can make the days better or really long I think. For example my grandpa passed away last January and I miss him every day, but I still have all my wonderful memories to help make it a little easier. It doesn’t take all the hurt away but it helps me to think about all the good times. I still talk to him and that helps even though I know he’s not physically here. A memory that sticks out is that he would pick me up every morning and take me to school when I was in junior high and we would get breakfast on the way and then not even a block from school I would have to stop and go to the bathroom. He would tell that story a lot and it was really funny and would always make me smile. He loved o tease me and that was ok with me. He used to say that if he didn’t love me he wouldn’t tease me. Our family likes to still joke and tease each other and I think that helps all of us not really accept but maybe deal a little better with the fact that he isn’t physically here but he is spiritually and in my heart. I see people trying to deal with grief and its very hard, but I also see those taking it one day at a time.  I have a family member that lost her grandpa as well and she has to post about it on facebook a lot. Now I know that sounds mean but for me I know I miss him and I love him so why does everyone need to know. Its noones business but mine and my family. I don’t know if that’s mean or not but I don’t need to put it on facebook to know I miss him. It still feels like to me that I will see him this weekend or somethimg even though I know I wont. I do get to see my grandma and I try to call and talk to her and check and see how shes doing. She always tells me shes doing fine but I don’t know if I believe that or not.